"Mommune" - What Is It And Why Are More Divorced Women Considering It?

By: RONALD J. BAVERO*

We are all familiar with the phrase that "sometimes it takes a village to raise a child." However, some single and divorced women are finding that a "mommune" (no that is not a typo and I did not mean to write "commune") may be something to consider.

The word commune is generally defined as a group of people living together and sharing possessions, finances and responsibilities. Similarly, its updated version, a mommune, is one or more mothers who have chosen to live together, not only for its economic benefits, but also for its obvious social benefits, including built-in childcare, companionship and socialization for the parents and any children residing within the household.

While these types of living arrangements are nothing new in various ethnic, racial and cultural communities, the combination of a spiking divorce rate, during and after the Covid-19 pandemic, and the daunting record of the economic fall-out visited upon women, post-divorce, has caused many moms to consider alternate living arrangements.

The scope of the underlying problem is enormous. The United States has the world's highest rate of children living in single-parent households. 14.7 million children (one in five of all children in the US) live in households receiving child support, or rather who should be receiving child support. $33.7 billion dollars in child support was owed during the year 2015.

Further highlighting the problem, the US Census Bureau also reported that single parents received some of the child support money, but far less than what was actually owed. Less than half of all child support that was due was paid. 30% of the custodial parents received no child support and almost 26% received only a fraction of the support due. The average amount actually paid in child support was $287 per month. Many children live at or below the federally recognized poverty line. Children living only with their mothers were more than twice as likely to live in poverty than those living only with their fathers (35% vs 17.4%). Alarmingly, most of these statistics are pre-Covid and are not expected to improve any time in the near future.

Given the disruption which divorce visits upon all of the participants and the fragile economic reality of life after divorce, it is not surprising the many custodial mothers are seeking out the company and support of other similarly situated moms.

Take for example, the dire situation faced by Kristin Batykefer who moved into her family friends' 4- bedroom Florida home, with Kristin's four-year old daughter, when she lost her job and her marriage fell apart. Several months later Kristin's best friend, Tessa Gilder, also went through a divorce. Tessa had two children of her own, including a daughter the same age as Kristin's. Kristin then invited Gilder to join her, and Tessa moved from Colorado to live with her former college roommate and all of their children in Batykefer's Florida home.

As Kristin explained it: "When I had to leave my husband, all I could think about was how I now had to figure out how to do everything on my own - buy a house on my own, pay my bills on my own and raise my child on my own." Kristin went on to admit that she never thought about finding another single mom to live with. "We just fell into it." But now they wonder why more people have not considered joining forces like this.

Indeed, the whole idea of a "mommune" is catching on quickly, thanks in no small part to Batykefer. When she posted on Tik Tok about the benefits of a mommune she garnered not only 1.2 million views but also requests to learn more about the arrangement, as well as offers of food, freshly baked cookies and other forms of direct and indirect support. In one of her recent posts, Kristin extolled its obvious benefits for children who now have built in playmates and an emotional support system.

As for the moms' side benefits, Batykefer explained that now she and her new roommate also get to experience concerts, movie nights, home salon days and weekends together when the children are with their ex-spouses. In the final analysis it seems to work well for these moms and children. Food for thought?

*Ronald Bavero, Esq. is a nationally recognized Divorce Attorney with almost 40 years of experience in the field of Divorce and Family Law. He also is an esteemed author, whose most recently published book is entitled, "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe - Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney. This book is available on Amazon Books, Barnes & Noble and Draft2Digital, and has garnered effusive, five-star reviews from fellow divorce attorneys, judges, mediators, divorce coaches, mental health professionals, former clients and a host of readers who are about to, are, or have been involved in the process of separation and divorce. Mr. Bavero also maintains a website, www.divorcedeverafter.com where he continues to post informative and interesting articles such as this one.

Where To Turn When You Don't Have Money To Burn on Your Divorce?

The process of divorce is not only one of the most difficult, emotionally draining, gut wrenching experiences that one can go through, but also one of the most expensive. Unlike other devastating life circumstances, such as car accidents and medical emergencies, where the financial expenses associated with these misfortunes are often covered by insurance, that is not the case when someone is involved in a divorce. Divorce retainers, court fees and subsequent payments for legal and expert fees are all extremely costly "out-of-pocket" expenses paid by the parties immersed in the process.

I have often said within the context of my divorce practice that "there is no good money paid in a divorce." Very few people would think it prudent, enjoyable or financially rewarding to spend huge amounts of money on divorce related fees and expenses simply to end a marriage. While it may be wise and necessary to do so, it still is costly and often beyond the financial resources of the warring spouses. It has been estimated that Americans spend more than $11 Billion dollars a year on the legal industry related to divorce.

While there is "no good money" spent on a divorce, often "the most valuable money" is that spent on a good consultation with an ethical and experienced divorce attorney. Most divorce lawyers charge for their consultations, typically $500, which last for approximately one hour. A good consultation, one based in reality and achievable results, usually gets the potential client well grounded. A bad consultation, one motivated by the lawyer's financial self-interest or desire to be retained, will have the clients chasing illusory goals and paying unnecessary legal fees to unscrupulous attorneys.

Even though a "good consultation" is extremely valuable it has its limits. It has been my experience that the potential client "hears" or "comprehends" only half of what is said by the attorney in the consultation. Moreover, the consultation only lasts for approximately one hour, thereby limiting the issues that can be covered.

What if there was a resource that offers not simply an hour's worth of information but 40 years of invaluable divorce experience for a fraction of the price of a consultation?

My recently released book, entitled "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe - Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney", is such a resource. Three versions of the book, (Hardcopy, Paperback and Ebook), can be found in the Amazon Book Store. To select your favorite version from Amazon you can use this link. You can also find the Ebook and Paperback versions on the Barnes and Noble site, using this Barnes and Noble link as well as Apple Ebooks and Google Ebooks from this link.

In the short time since its release, it has garnered effusive, unanimous, five-star reviews from those people contemplating divorce or separation, those in the midst of or coming out of one, divorce attorneys, divorce coaches, mental health professionals, mediators, counsellors and former clients. Here are just few of the comments by verified purchasers:

"An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe, his first book, is nothing less than a work of art. It is filled to the brim with the kind of insights that can only be learned through empathy and lived experiences.... It's equal parts heartbreak and hilarity - with lessons to be learned from both - for those who have loved and lost (and those who are still in love and want to stay there)."

"Anyone, and I mean anyone, contemplating a divorce should read this wonderful, well-written book before speaking to a lawyer. It is filled with important advice about what is ahead; how to choose a lawyer, how to manage your emotional reactivity, how to avoid wasting money, and how to move on when it is over."

"From what to expect during the initial consultation, to the sobering prospect of legal costs – from the strategic benefits of settlement, to the realization that trial ultimately takes no prisoners –this book is a must read for anyone facing that supreme out of body experience called divorce."

"Truly a must-read for anyone who is/has/may be or knows someone who is going through one of life's biggest challenges.....Hits the sweet spot between practical application and entertainment."

"The author has offered an awesome read on a very tough subject. It was done with clear explanations and great humor! Everyone thinking of marriage should be sure to read this book before saying "I DO".

"As a psychologist who has treated many divorcing couples and read many books on the topic, Ron Bavero's caught my attention with its unusual title -- An Elephant Doesn't Marry a Giraffe....Bavero shares a huge fund of knowledge and experience about divorce in this very well written book. I'd recommend it for anyone thinking of divorce, immersed in the process and for those involved in working with couples."

"This book is an excellent resource for any person going through a divorce or contemplating a divorce....Follow the road-map and you will achieve your goals."

To see all of the reviews you can click on this link or this one.

In the final analysis, this book on divorce will not only better prepare you for the emotional and difficult road ahead but also save you tens of thousands of dollars.

Podcast - A Discussion about the Critically Acclaimed Book "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe"

As many of you know, my recently released book, "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe - Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney", has received critical acclaim, from verified purchasers, as reflected in the effusive five-star reviews posted by its readers.

Recently, I had the distinct pleasure of doing a podcast with Professor Leslie Garfield Tenzer, a distinguished Professor of Law at Pace University's Haub School of Law. During the podcast Professor Garfield-Tenzer and I discussed my book, as well as many of the core principles included therein such as when to consult with a divorce attorney, how to hire the best attorney for your case, how to avoid the critical mistakes which undermine your divorce case and how to move past your divorce in a healthy way.

As of the present time, over 3,000 listeners have tuned in listen to the discussion and found the information contained in the podcast not only invaluable but also a fascinating.

Our podcast is available on Apple Podcasts or you can use the link above to hear it. I hope you enjoy our conversation and that you too will find the information helpful and interesting. You can leave your comments about the podcast on my website, www.divorcedeverafter.com or you can write to me at Ron@divorcedeverafter.com .

Please continue to support the book, which in available on Amazon Books, Barnes & Noble online and Draft2Digital. and keep the reviews coming. Thank you so much.