Exciting News - The Book You’ve Been Waiting For Is Here

Many of you know that I have written a book filled with invaluable advice and amazing, true stories about the world of separation and divorce. The book is entitled "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe - Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney."

I am pleased and proud to tell you that the book has been accepted for publication and is now available for purchase. Three versions of the book, (Hardcopy, Paperback and Ebook), can be found in the Amazon Book Store. To view the books and select your favorite version from Amazon you can use this link. You can also find the Ebook and Paperback versions on the Barnes and Noble site, using this Barnes and Noble link as well as Apple Ebooks and Google Ebooks from this link.

A book is only a beginning for a writer. A reader completes it. So, why and who should read this book?

In the first instance, this book is for everyone who is, has or is about to go through a divorce. Or perhaps you have a client, friend or relative who is need of some direction. What is unique about this book on divorce is that its invaluable advice does not come from dry, solemn pronouncements or preachy sermons but rather from a multitude of true, compelling stories which dramatically illustrate, in practical terms, what divorcing spouses need to know and how to avoid the critical mistakes which undermine their divorce cases.

For those who have already ridden on the matrimonial merry-go-round, these true divorce stories also represent validation that the process of divorce can test everyone’s sanity.

Finally, many people will read the book for the sheer laugh-out-loud comedy and intrigue of people involved in epic divorce battles that make the movie "The War of the Roses" seem tame by comparison.

Once you have finished reading the book, in whatever version or on whichever site, please consider leaving your review of the book. Reviews are the life-blood of all published books. Books need customer reviews to survive in the same way that we humans need air. Even a few words are helpful. You can create a review by clicking on this Amazon link or input the URL into the browser of your computer, smart phone or PDA. For Barnes and Noble or the other sites follow the directions for publishing a review.

Finally, thank you all, for your support and encouragement in the completion of this endeavor. Please purchase the book today and feel free to give me your honest feedback after you have finished reading it. You can reach me through my website www.divorcedeverafter.com

or write to ron@divorcedeverafter.com

Ronald J. Bavero , Esq.

January is National Divorce Month

It seems we have a National Month for almost everything. In addition to all of the monthly observances that honor virtually every ethnic group, gender, sexual orientation, creed, belief and religion there are a host of other monthly celebrations including, for example, National Bird-Feeding Month, National Mustache Month, National Pet Month, National Pizza Month, National Bike Month, National Ice Cream Month, not to mention, National Explosive Ordinance Disposal Day.

So is it any wonder that Divorce has its own Month - the Month of January. Not only is it now formally recognized as such, but also there are reasons and statistics to support the notion that January is a big month for those seeking to leave their marriages.

Speak to any seasoned divorce lawyer and you will find that telephone calls and requests for divorce consultations begin to drop off in the period between November and December. This was certainly a trend which I saw in my 40-year divorce practice.

During November and December, nothing could be heard in my office but crickets. But come January, the floodgates opened and the telephones in my office began ringing off the hook. On top of that, there were the desperate pleas from potential clients for the first consultation date available - "Can you see me today?"

But why? First and foremost, very few spouses want to pull out the divorce card as the holidays approach in order to cushion the blow to the other spouse or the children. Silently, some think to themselves; “let’s have one more happy holiday together, or if we can’t manage that, at least one less unhappy holiday.”

However, once January rolls around, the "silently unhappy spouse" who wants the divorce moves to “full speed ahead.” In a famous New York divorce case, the husband got an early jump on the process and actually had his wife served with the divorce papers on Christmas Day. “Sorry, honey, but I didn’t know what else to get you so I got you a divorce summons and complaint, charging you with cruel and inhuman treatment. I hope you like it!”

The reasons for this phenomenon are multi-faceted. Ironically, the stress of the Festive Season can actually hasten the demise of the marital relationship. During this holiday season families end up spending much more personal time with each other and traveling substantial distances to be with each other. The stress of travel and the 24/7 up-close, extended, multi-day get-togethers often do not necessarily produce feelings of love and contentment. Just the opposite.

We saw this phenomenon with the Covid epidemic when married couples, along with their children, were quarantining together for weeks and the divorce rate subsequently shot up. Moreover, when the holidays fail to measure up to that fairly-tale "Hallmark Christmas Card" we are often left deflated, anxious and unhappy. And the reason for these unwanted negative feelings - "it must be you - it's not me."

Indeed, some social scientists have suggested that the holidays often create unrealistic standards about what the holidays should be like, and that can amplify people's feelings of anxiety and depression. When this happens, we start believing that everyone else is living perfect lives with perfect relationships. Everyone except me!!! Now where did I put the telephone number of that divorce lawyer.

Sometimes, the reason for the New Year divorce greeting is economic. For example, if your spouse just received the year-end bonus from his or her employer, filing the divorce case early in the year not only ensures that the bonus is "marital property" but also ensures that it gets preserved for future division in the divorce action. On the other side of this financial coin, the filing of the divorce action also means that any subsequently acquired assets (new businesses, pension contributions, real estate, etc.) are "my separate property" and outside of the marital estate.

Finally, there are other economic pressures. Now that we have purchased mountains of toys, that brand new car with the big red bow on the top ("thanks, honey, but I wanted a blue car") the jewelry and the Rolex watches, the post-holiday credit card bills start pouring in and we are left with the thought "what was I thinking?" For many people the answer is to get off this sinking ship before these bills pull us under. Also, tax season is coming in April and I do not want to sign another bogus tax return prepared by my spouse.

Wait!! Stop!! I am sorry. I wanted to finish writing this blog but I have to stop here. My telephone is ringing off the hook and I have five new consultations scheduled for today.

On a serious note, anyone who is thinking about a divorce or is in the middle of one should purchase my book "An Elephant Doesn't Marry a Giraffe - Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney" which will be out this month. It is not only filled with amazing stories but also invaluable advice about how to achieve the best possible outcomes in your divorce case.

ARE TOM AND GISELE HEADED FOR THE "END ZONE"?

There has been no shortage of celebrity divorces - Brad and Angelina, McKenzie Scott and Jeff Bezos, Kim and Kanye, Bill and Melinda Gates. Indeed, they seem to happen on a regular, if not, daily basis. But there is something different about the current rift between Tom Brady, the reputed greatest football player of all time and Gisele Bundchen the reputed greatest model of all time.

This story has garnered 24/7 media coverage since news of their separation first broke. It is at the top of every newscast, newspaper and magazine article, blog and internet feed. Every move and gesture they make - "she is not wearing a wedding ring"; "her face looks red and swollen"; "she missed his last football game"; he looks "sad, "distracted" and "not himself on the football field" - is examined, analyzed and commented upon.

What is at the core of this media frenzy? The short answer seems to be that up until now Tom and Giselle have led charmed lives. From the outside looking in, their lives have been "perfect", which is not only at the heart of those who love and envy them but also those who resent them for the same reason. It is like watching Barbie and Ken, Mattel's perfect doll couple, get a divorce. It just doesn't seem right. And it gives all of us reason to pause. If Tom and Gisele's "perfect" marriage can't last whose will?

Several years ago Rod Stewart sang about the fact that "Some Guys Have All The Luck." Indeed, Tom Brady could have been on the album cover. Blessed with incredible good looks, he came out of the University of Michigan and has gone on to greatness as a football player, winning seven Super Bowls, five times as the game's MVP. He even has a nickname - the GOAT - which stands for The Greatest Of All Time. Tom has overcome every obstacle and has come back from every failure or near failure.

For her part, Gisele is no less famous or wealthy. She has been one of the highest paid models since 2001, achieving Guinness Book of World Record fame and listed as one of the Most Powerful Woman by Forbes magazine. Gisele has appeared in more than 550 ad campaigns, 2,000 magazine covers and 3,500 newsprint editorials. She even has been crowned "the most beautiful woman in the world."

Following a whirlwind romance with Leonardo DiCaprio, Gisele dropped him and began dating Tom in 2006. They wed in 2009 and have two children, a son, Benjamin, age 12 and a daughter, Vivian, age 9. Tom also has a 15 year old son, Jack, born from a previous relationship with actress Bridget Moynahan.

It has been widely reported that the couple had an "epic fight"over Tom's recent decision to return to football after a two month retirement. However, as discussed in my five part series of articles written about the root causes of divorce, there are usually multiple reasons for a divorce along with a triggering event, such as an episode of domestic violence, infidelity or in this case a broken promise of retirement which finally causes the relationship to implode.

Assessing the seriousness of the breakup, multiple commentators have pointed to the fact that both Tom and Gisele have hired divorce attorneys. Indeed, this represents a serious step which often signals that the relationship cannot be saved. However, in my opinion there is something else which is even more telling.

During my career as a divorce attorney I have met with many potential clients who have told me that their spouse does not know that they are seeing me and they are not sure that they want a divorce. What they were really saying was that they were absolutely sure they wanted a divorce but first wanted to know how much it was going to cost and how to prepare for the inevitable divorce, financially and otherwise, before the official announcement is made.

Here, not only did Gisele consult with attorneys several weeks ago but there are reports that she also did so approximately seven years ago. Said differently, Gisele has visited the offices of a divorce attorney on multiple occasions. Reading the tea leaves, the prior visits were probably done without Tom's knowledge. For Gisele it represents confirmation that she has been thinking seriously about a divorce for a long time and for Tom her likely clandestine visits to a divorce attorney represents a secret or betrayal that can be devastating to a marriage.

Personally, I find myself in the camp of rooting for the survival of their marriage, if for no other reason then to save the children from the inevitable pain of their parents' break up. Additionally, they appear to be genuinely nice people. Besides, don't we all want to believe in the perfect fairy tale marriage?

During his professional career Tom has mounted many comebacks. One should never bet against him. However, my innate sense, after years of practicing in the field of divorce, is that their marriage will not survive. If a divorce does happen it is hoped that they do so quietly, without recrimination, rancor and in a way that inflicts the least damage upon their children.