THE # 1 OVERLOOKED SIGN THAT A DIVORCE IS JUST AHEAD

Some signs of divorce are obvious and predictable, like the sign pictured above. You find telling photos, texts, voice messages on your spouse's phone, PDA or computer. Maybe your spouse is paying much more attention to their personal appearance or has been to the plastic surgeon. Inexplicably, your husband buys the convertible or the sailboat that he has always wanted. All of these are indeed storm clouds that cause people to take heed.

But one of the most telling signs that a divorce may be in the offing is not one that you would even think about, unless you are a divorce attorney or have been through your own divorce. Be very wary when your spouse says, "that it is time for you to go back to work."

I cannot tell you how many times in my divorce practice when the stay-at-home spouse, frequently the wife, mentions to me that her husband has been constantly telling her that it is "time to get a job." Often, a number of different rationales are offered by this spousal employment counsellor. "We could really use the extra money"; or "it would be good for your self-esteem"; or "the children are in school all day or old enough to take care of themselves"; or "we could use your salary to buy the things we always wanted or take that European vacation."

Indeed, some of these professed reasons may be very true and innocent but they may also signal a hidden agenda or motivation. Why? Because the spouse urging "re-employment" may have already decided to initiate a divorce and wants to ensure that he does not have to pay alimony and/or wants his unsuspecting wife to contribute to any child support awards. And how does he know that? Most likely, because he has already seen a divorce attorney in a consultation and received advice about how to limit his obligations or financial exposure to his soon-to-be jettisoned spouse.

As I have discovered in my divorce practice, the people who came to my office for a consultation fell into two broad categories. One was comprised of the people who knew they wanted a divorce and often said "it had been coming for years." They were there to gather information so that they could construct a detailed divorce plan one which minimized their financial obligations, before announcing their intentions to their spouse. The other group was made up of people who professed that they had little to no idea that a divorce was in the offing, said "they were shocked and blindsided," and claimed that the divorce "came out of nowhere."

In reality, the divorce announcement probably did not come "out of the blue" but rather the unsuspecting spouse had failed to read or recognize the clues that a divorce was just ahead. Sometimes, a conversation about downsizing ("this house is too big and too costly") or reducing spending (I just reduced our credit card limit) or re-employment (putting aside the misogynistic nature of the concept itself- i.e., the stay-at-home spouse doesn't actually work) has no hidden agenda. Still, when a spouse repeatedly hears one or more of these expressions it may be time to say how do I protect myself from a divorce that may be on the horizon?

One of the best ways to prepare yourself for a divorce, wanted or unwanted, is to read my recently released and critically acclaimed book, "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe - Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney", available in hardcover, paperback and eBooks on Amazon , Barnes & Noble and Draft2Digital .

In this easy to read, compelling book you will find other invaluable tips, strategies and advice such as when to consult with a divorce attorney, how to select the best attorney for your case, how to minimize the costs of divorce, financially and emotionally, and how to avoid the critical errors that undermine your case. Reading this book now may be the most important thing you can do for yourself and your children.

"Divorce"- Where To Turn When You Hear This Word?

Feeling blindsided? Feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed. Feeling like you don't even where to start or where to go for help? These are many of the feelings that people experience when their spouse tells them " I want a divorce."

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The answer to all of these questions is to read this book, even before you talk to a divorce attorney. As verified by the effusive reviews from divorcing spouses, former clients, judges, mediators, therapists and divorce coaches, this book is a goldmine of invaluable information and advice. Reading this may be the most important thing you do for yourself and your children. It is currently available on Amazon, in digital, paperback and hardcover formats, as well as Barnes & Noble, and Google Books.

Where To Turn When You Don't Have Money To Burn on Your Divorce?

The process of divorce is not only one of the most difficult, emotionally draining, gut wrenching experiences that one can go through, but also one of the most expensive. Unlike other devastating life circumstances, such as car accidents and medical emergencies, where the financial expenses associated with these misfortunes are often covered by insurance, that is not the case when someone is involved in a divorce. Divorce retainers, court fees and subsequent payments for legal and expert fees are all extremely costly "out-of-pocket" expenses paid by the parties immersed in the process.

I have often said within the context of my divorce practice that "there is no good money paid in a divorce." Very few people would think it prudent, enjoyable or financially rewarding to spend huge amounts of money on divorce related fees and expenses simply to end a marriage. While it may be wise and necessary to do so, it still is costly and often beyond the financial resources of the warring spouses. It has been estimated that Americans spend more than $11 Billion dollars a year on the legal industry related to divorce.

While there is "no good money" spent on a divorce, often "the most valuable money" is that spent on a good consultation with an ethical and experienced divorce attorney. Most divorce lawyers charge for their consultations, typically $500, which last for approximately one hour. A good consultation, one based in reality and achievable results, usually gets the potential client well grounded. A bad consultation, one motivated by the lawyer's financial self-interest or desire to be retained, will have the clients chasing illusory goals and paying unnecessary legal fees to unscrupulous attorneys.

Even though a "good consultation" is extremely valuable it has its limits. It has been my experience that the potential client "hears" or "comprehends" only half of what is said by the attorney in the consultation. Moreover, the consultation only lasts for approximately one hour, thereby limiting the issues that can be covered.

What if there was a resource that offers not simply an hour's worth of information but 40 years of invaluable divorce experience for a fraction of the price of a consultation?

My recently released book, entitled "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe - Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney", is such a resource. Three versions of the book, (Hardcopy, Paperback and Ebook), can be found in the Amazon Book Store. To select your favorite version from Amazon you can use this link. You can also find the Ebook and Paperback versions on the Barnes and Noble site, using this Barnes and Noble link as well as Apple Ebooks and Google Ebooks from this link.

In the short time since its release, it has garnered effusive, unanimous, five-star reviews from those people contemplating divorce or separation, those in the midst of or coming out of one, divorce attorneys, divorce coaches, mental health professionals, mediators, counsellors and former clients. Here are just few of the comments by verified purchasers:

"An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe, his first book, is nothing less than a work of art. It is filled to the brim with the kind of insights that can only be learned through empathy and lived experiences.... It's equal parts heartbreak and hilarity - with lessons to be learned from both - for those who have loved and lost (and those who are still in love and want to stay there)."

"Anyone, and I mean anyone, contemplating a divorce should read this wonderful, well-written book before speaking to a lawyer. It is filled with important advice about what is ahead; how to choose a lawyer, how to manage your emotional reactivity, how to avoid wasting money, and how to move on when it is over."

"From what to expect during the initial consultation, to the sobering prospect of legal costs – from the strategic benefits of settlement, to the realization that trial ultimately takes no prisoners –this book is a must read for anyone facing that supreme out of body experience called divorce."

"Truly a must-read for anyone who is/has/may be or knows someone who is going through one of life's biggest challenges.....Hits the sweet spot between practical application and entertainment."

"The author has offered an awesome read on a very tough subject. It was done with clear explanations and great humor! Everyone thinking of marriage should be sure to read this book before saying "I DO".

"As a psychologist who has treated many divorcing couples and read many books on the topic, Ron Bavero's caught my attention with its unusual title -- An Elephant Doesn't Marry a Giraffe....Bavero shares a huge fund of knowledge and experience about divorce in this very well written book. I'd recommend it for anyone thinking of divorce, immersed in the process and for those involved in working with couples."

"This book is an excellent resource for any person going through a divorce or contemplating a divorce....Follow the road-map and you will achieve your goals."

To see all of the reviews you can click on this link or this one.

In the final analysis, this book on divorce will not only better prepare you for the emotional and difficult road ahead but also save you tens of thousands of dollars.