THE # 1 OVERLOOKED SIGN THAT A DIVORCE IS JUST AHEAD

Some signs of divorce are obvious and predictable, like the sign pictured above. You find telling photos, texts, voice messages on your spouse's phone, PDA or computer. Maybe your spouse is paying much more attention to their personal appearance or has been to the plastic surgeon. Inexplicably, your husband buys the convertible or the sailboat that he has always wanted. All of these are indeed storm clouds that cause people to take heed.

But one of the most telling signs that a divorce may be in the offing is not one that you would even think about, unless you are a divorce attorney or have been through your own divorce. Be very wary when your spouse says, "that it is time for you to go back to work."

I cannot tell you how many times in my divorce practice when the stay-at-home spouse, frequently the wife, mentions to me that her husband has been constantly telling her that it is "time to get a job." Often, a number of different rationales are offered by this spousal employment counsellor. "We could really use the extra money"; or "it would be good for your self-esteem"; or "the children are in school all day or old enough to take care of themselves"; or "we could use your salary to buy the things we always wanted or take that European vacation."

Indeed, some of these professed reasons may be very true and innocent but they may also signal a hidden agenda or motivation. Why? Because the spouse urging "re-employment" may have already decided to initiate a divorce and wants to ensure that he does not have to pay alimony and/or wants his unsuspecting wife to contribute to any child support awards. And how does he know that? Most likely, because he has already seen a divorce attorney in a consultation and received advice about how to limit his obligations or financial exposure to his soon-to-be jettisoned spouse.

As I have discovered in my divorce practice, the people who came to my office for a consultation fell into two broad categories. One was comprised of the people who knew they wanted a divorce and often said "it had been coming for years." They were there to gather information so that they could construct a detailed divorce plan one which minimized their financial obligations, before announcing their intentions to their spouse. The other group was made up of people who professed that they had little to no idea that a divorce was in the offing, said "they were shocked and blindsided," and claimed that the divorce "came out of nowhere."

In reality, the divorce announcement probably did not come "out of the blue" but rather the unsuspecting spouse had failed to read or recognize the clues that a divorce was just ahead. Sometimes, a conversation about downsizing ("this house is too big and too costly") or reducing spending (I just reduced our credit card limit) or re-employment (putting aside the misogynistic nature of the concept itself- i.e., the stay-at-home spouse doesn't actually work) has no hidden agenda. Still, when a spouse repeatedly hears one or more of these expressions it may be time to say how do I protect myself from a divorce that may be on the horizon?

One of the best ways to prepare yourself for a divorce, wanted or unwanted, is to read my recently released and critically acclaimed book, "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe - Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney", available in hardcover, paperback and eBooks on Amazon , Barnes & Noble and Draft2Digital .

In this easy to read, compelling book you will find other invaluable tips, strategies and advice such as when to consult with a divorce attorney, how to select the best attorney for your case, how to minimize the costs of divorce, financially and emotionally, and how to avoid the critical errors that undermine your case. Reading this book now may be the most important thing you can do for yourself and your children.

"Divorce"- Where To Turn When You Hear This Word?

Feeling blindsided? Feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed. Feeling like you don't even where to start or where to go for help? These are many of the feelings that people experience when their spouse tells them " I want a divorce."

Hi

The answer to all of these questions is to read this book, even before you talk to a divorce attorney. As verified by the effusive reviews from divorcing spouses, former clients, judges, mediators, therapists and divorce coaches, this book is a goldmine of invaluable information and advice. Reading this may be the most important thing you do for yourself and your children. It is currently available on Amazon, in digital, paperback and hardcover formats, as well as Barnes & Noble, and Google Books.

"Mommune" - What Is It And Why Are More Divorced Women Considering It?

By: RONALD J. BAVERO*

We are all familiar with the phrase that "sometimes it takes a village to raise a child." However, some single and divorced women are finding that a "mommune" (no that is not a typo and I did not mean to write "commune") may be something to consider.

The word commune is generally defined as a group of people living together and sharing possessions, finances and responsibilities. Similarly, its updated version, a mommune, is one or more mothers who have chosen to live together, not only for its economic benefits, but also for its obvious social benefits, including built-in childcare, companionship and socialization for the parents and any children residing within the household.

While these types of living arrangements are nothing new in various ethnic, racial and cultural communities, the combination of a spiking divorce rate, during and after the Covid-19 pandemic, and the daunting record of the economic fall-out visited upon women, post-divorce, has caused many moms to consider alternate living arrangements.

The scope of the underlying problem is enormous. The United States has the world's highest rate of children living in single-parent households. 14.7 million children (one in five of all children in the US) live in households receiving child support, or rather who should be receiving child support. $33.7 billion dollars in child support was owed during the year 2015.

Further highlighting the problem, the US Census Bureau also reported that single parents received some of the child support money, but far less than what was actually owed. Less than half of all child support that was due was paid. 30% of the custodial parents received no child support and almost 26% received only a fraction of the support due. The average amount actually paid in child support was $287 per month. Many children live at or below the federally recognized poverty line. Children living only with their mothers were more than twice as likely to live in poverty than those living only with their fathers (35% vs 17.4%). Alarmingly, most of these statistics are pre-Covid and are not expected to improve any time in the near future.

Given the disruption which divorce visits upon all of the participants and the fragile economic reality of life after divorce, it is not surprising the many custodial mothers are seeking out the company and support of other similarly situated moms.

Take for example, the dire situation faced by Kristin Batykefer who moved into her family friends' 4- bedroom Florida home, with Kristin's four-year old daughter, when she lost her job and her marriage fell apart. Several months later Kristin's best friend, Tessa Gilder, also went through a divorce. Tessa had two children of her own, including a daughter the same age as Kristin's. Kristin then invited Gilder to join her, and Tessa moved from Colorado to live with her former college roommate and all of their children in Batykefer's Florida home.

As Kristin explained it: "When I had to leave my husband, all I could think about was how I now had to figure out how to do everything on my own - buy a house on my own, pay my bills on my own and raise my child on my own." Kristin went on to admit that she never thought about finding another single mom to live with. "We just fell into it." But now they wonder why more people have not considered joining forces like this.

Indeed, the whole idea of a "mommune" is catching on quickly, thanks in no small part to Batykefer. When she posted on Tik Tok about the benefits of a mommune she garnered not only 1.2 million views but also requests to learn more about the arrangement, as well as offers of food, freshly baked cookies and other forms of direct and indirect support. In one of her recent posts, Kristin extolled its obvious benefits for children who now have built in playmates and an emotional support system.

As for the moms' side benefits, Batykefer explained that now she and her new roommate also get to experience concerts, movie nights, home salon days and weekends together when the children are with their ex-spouses. In the final analysis it seems to work well for these moms and children. Food for thought?

*Ronald Bavero, Esq. is a nationally recognized Divorce Attorney with almost 40 years of experience in the field of Divorce and Family Law. He also is an esteemed author, whose most recently published book is entitled, "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe - Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney. This book is available on Amazon Books, Barnes & Noble and Draft2Digital, and has garnered effusive, five-star reviews from fellow divorce attorneys, judges, mediators, divorce coaches, mental health professionals, former clients and a host of readers who are about to, are, or have been involved in the process of separation and divorce. Mr. Bavero also maintains a website, www.divorcedeverafter.com where he continues to post informative and interesting articles such as this one.