"Mommune" - What Is It And Why Are More Divorced Women Considering It?

By: RONALD J. BAVERO*

We are all familiar with the phrase that "sometimes it takes a village to raise a child." However, some single and divorced women are finding that a "mommune" (no that is not a typo and I did not mean to write "commune") may be something to consider.

The word commune is generally defined as a group of people living together and sharing possessions, finances and responsibilities. Similarly, its updated version, a mommune, is one or more mothers who have chosen to live together, not only for its economic benefits, but also for its obvious social benefits, including built-in childcare, companionship and socialization for the parents and any children residing within the household.

While these types of living arrangements are nothing new in various ethnic, racial and cultural communities, the combination of a spiking divorce rate, during and after the Covid-19 pandemic, and the daunting record of the economic fall-out visited upon women, post-divorce, has caused many moms to consider alternate living arrangements.

The scope of the underlying problem is enormous. The United States has the world's highest rate of children living in single-parent households. 14.7 million children (one in five of all children in the US) live in households receiving child support, or rather who should be receiving child support. $33.7 billion dollars in child support was owed during the year 2015.

Further highlighting the problem, the US Census Bureau also reported that single parents received some of the child support money, but far less than what was actually owed. Less than half of all child support that was due was paid. 30% of the custodial parents received no child support and almost 26% received only a fraction of the support due. The average amount actually paid in child support was $287 per month. Many children live at or below the federally recognized poverty line. Children living only with their mothers were more than twice as likely to live in poverty than those living only with their fathers (35% vs 17.4%). Alarmingly, most of these statistics are pre-Covid and are not expected to improve any time in the near future.

Given the disruption which divorce visits upon all of the participants and the fragile economic reality of life after divorce, it is not surprising the many custodial mothers are seeking out the company and support of other similarly situated moms.

Take for example, the dire situation faced by Kristin Batykefer who moved into her family friends' 4- bedroom Florida home, with Kristin's four-year old daughter, when she lost her job and her marriage fell apart. Several months later Kristin's best friend, Tessa Gilder, also went through a divorce. Tessa had two children of her own, including a daughter the same age as Kristin's. Kristin then invited Gilder to join her, and Tessa moved from Colorado to live with her former college roommate and all of their children in Batykefer's Florida home.

As Kristin explained it: "When I had to leave my husband, all I could think about was how I now had to figure out how to do everything on my own - buy a house on my own, pay my bills on my own and raise my child on my own." Kristin went on to admit that she never thought about finding another single mom to live with. "We just fell into it." But now they wonder why more people have not considered joining forces like this.

Indeed, the whole idea of a "mommune" is catching on quickly, thanks in no small part to Batykefer. When she posted on Tik Tok about the benefits of a mommune she garnered not only 1.2 million views but also requests to learn more about the arrangement, as well as offers of food, freshly baked cookies and other forms of direct and indirect support. In one of her recent posts, Kristin extolled its obvious benefits for children who now have built in playmates and an emotional support system.

As for the moms' side benefits, Batykefer explained that now she and her new roommate also get to experience concerts, movie nights, home salon days and weekends together when the children are with their ex-spouses. In the final analysis it seems to work well for these moms and children. Food for thought?

*Ronald Bavero, Esq. is a nationally recognized Divorce Attorney with almost 40 years of experience in the field of Divorce and Family Law. He also is an esteemed author, whose most recently published book is entitled, "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe - Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney. This book is available on Amazon Books, Barnes & Noble and Draft2Digital, and has garnered effusive, five-star reviews from fellow divorce attorneys, judges, mediators, divorce coaches, mental health professionals, former clients and a host of readers who are about to, are, or have been involved in the process of separation and divorce. Mr. Bavero also maintains a website, www.divorcedeverafter.com where he continues to post informative and interesting articles such as this one.

Podcast - A Discussion about the Critically Acclaimed Book "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe"

As many of you know, my recently released book, "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe - Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney", has received critical acclaim, from verified purchasers, as reflected in the effusive five-star reviews posted by its readers.

Recently, I had the distinct pleasure of doing a podcast with Professor Leslie Garfield Tenzer, a distinguished Professor of Law at Pace University's Haub School of Law. During the podcast Professor Garfield-Tenzer and I discussed my book, as well as many of the core principles included therein such as when to consult with a divorce attorney, how to hire the best attorney for your case, how to avoid the critical mistakes which undermine your divorce case and how to move past your divorce in a healthy way.

As of the present time, over 3,000 listeners have tuned in listen to the discussion and found the information contained in the podcast not only invaluable but also a fascinating.

Our podcast is available on Apple Podcasts or you can use the link above to hear it. I hope you enjoy our conversation and that you too will find the information helpful and interesting. You can leave your comments about the podcast on my website, www.divorcedeverafter.com or you can write to me at Ron@divorcedeverafter.com .

Please continue to support the book, which in available on Amazon Books, Barnes & Noble online and Draft2Digital. and keep the reviews coming. Thank you so much.

THERE'S NO "WINNING YOUR DIVORCE CASE" - YOU JUST SURVIVE IT !!!

It is not unusual for prospective clients to come to a divorce consultation with certain fixed expectations and goals. Frequently, these goals and expectations have been shaped by advice from previously consulted divorce attorneys; research done on the internet, or its latest reiteration advice from an Ai Chatbot; or the "ultimate" and most "frequently utilized" source of divorce advice - the war stories and tales from your divorced friends, neighbors, bartenders, hairdressers or relatives about their own cases.

Each of the above categories has its own flaws, weaknesses and fallacies. Previously consulted divorce attorneys may have tailored their advice and explanations based upon what the prospective client wanted to hear or their own individual goal of being retained by that potential client. The internet and Ai Chatbots are a veritable roulette wheel of advice, both bad and good. And the cautionary tales from every Tom, Dick, Harry, Alice and Mary about their divorce cases, based upon a host of variables, including the particular facts of their cases, the attorneys and the judges involved in their matters and the individual foibles of these parties, are hardly a reliable template.

So where should the prospective client start from? I believe it starts with the fundamental notion that there is no such thing as "winning your divorce case". After all, what's winning? I got one more dollar than you did, or I ended up with more square footage or more time with the children than you got? The reality is that you can't win your divorce case. You can only survive it. The best you can expect from a divorce case is to be able to get past it with your sanity, integrity, personhood, financial independence and important relationships intact. That should be your primary goal, around which everything else should be assessed - including the attorney you hire, your settlement positions and how you move on with your life after the divorce case is over.

One of the best resources for learning how to "survive your divorce" is to start with my recently published book, "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe - Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney." It is filled with invaluable information, derived from actual true cases, which illustrate everything you need to know. The near unanimous five-star reviews of the book from verified purchasers have been effusive and overwhelming. Three versions of the book, (Hardcopy, Paperback and Ebook), can be found in the Amazon Book Store. To view the books and select your favorite version from Amazon you can use this link. You can also find the Ebook and Paperback versions on the Barnes and Noble site, using this Barnes and Noble link as well as Apple Ebooks and Draft2Digital from this link.

Ultimately, insuring that your ex-spouse rots in hell for all eternity is neither achievable nor cost effective. Instead, focus on those things that will allow you to move forward in a healthy and financially secure manner at the conclusion of your divorce.