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Updated: Jan 20

It is not unusual for prospective clients to come to a divorce consultation with certain fixed expectations and goals. Frequently, these goals and expectations have been shaped by advice from previously consulted divorce attorneys; research done on the internet, or its latest reiteration advice from an Ai Chatbot; or the "ultimate" and most "frequently utilized" source of divorce advice - the war stories and tales from your divorced friends, neighbors, bartenders, hairdressers or relatives about their own cases.

Each of the above categories has its own flaws, weaknesses and fallacies. Previously consulted divorce attorneys may have tailored their advice and explanations based upon what the prospective client wanted to hear or their own individual goal of being retained by that potential client. The internet and Ai Chatbots are a veritable roulette wheel of advice, both bad and good. And the cautionary tales from every Tom, Dick, Harry, Alice and Mary about their divorce cases, based upon a host of variables, including the particular facts of their cases, the attorneys and the judges involved in their matters and the individual foibles of these parties, are hardly a reliable template.

So where should the prospective client start from? I believe it starts with the fundamental notion that there is no such thing as "winning your divorce case". After all, what's winning? I got one more dollar than you did, or I ended up with more square footage or more time with the children than you got? The reality is that you can't win your divorce case. You can only survive it. The best you can expect from a divorce case is to be able to get past it with your sanity, integrity, personhood, financial independence and important relationships intact. That should be your primary goal, around which everything else should be assessed - including the attorney you hire, your settlement positions and how you move on with your life after the divorce case is over.

One of the best resources for learning how to "survive your divorce" is to start with my recently published book, "An Elephant Doesn't Marry A Giraffe - Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney." It is filled with invaluable information, derived from actual true cases, which illustrate everything you need to know. The near unanimous five-star reviews of the book from verified purchasers have been effusive and overwhelming. Three versions of the book, (Hardcopy, Paperback and Ebook), can be found in the Amazon Book Store. To view the books and select your favorite version from Amazon you can use this link. You can also find the Ebook and Paperback versions on the Barnes and Noble site, using this Barnes and Noble link as well as Apple Ebooks and Draft2Digital from this link.

Ultimately, insuring that your ex-spouse rots in hell for all eternity is neither achievable nor cost effective. Instead, focus on those things that will allow you to move forward in a healthy and financially secure manner at the conclusion of your divorce.


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